The Top Ten Rules of Small Town Romance
Listen, small town romance has rules for a reason. Sure, they can be artfully broken from time to time. I’m not a dictator. But these are the rules, folks. I didn’t write them myself, but these rules are not accidents. 🤭
Ready?
The Top 10 LAWS of Small Town Romance
Rule #1: The Big City Professional Must Return Home in Disgrace
The best small town romance starts on a street like this… (Image: Unsplash)
Whether they’re a high-powered lawyer who lost a career-defining case, a marketing executive whose startup imploded, or a chef whose restaurant got savaged by critics, you MUST return to your hometown with your tail between your legs. Bonus points if you swore you'd never come back. Double bonus if you're driving a rental car because you had to sell your BMW.
How I’ve respected this rule: Skye in Fireworks has accidentally drawn a penis on live TV (it was a traffic map, okay? She didn’t mean to!)
Rule #2: There's Only One Coffee Shop, and It's Run by Fun People. Preferably a Matchmaking Busybody
This establishment will have a cute name like "The Busy Bean" or "Grounds for Love." The owner knows everyone's coffee order, relationship status, and deepest secrets. They will absolutely meddle in your love life while serving you a surprisingly good flat white for a town of 2,000 people.
How I’ve respected this rule: The Busy Bean is central to Zara’s secret baby romance in Bountiful, and also to Roderick and Kieran’s romance in Roommate.
Rule #3: Your High School Classmate Still Lives Here (And Got Mysteriously Hot)
Remember that gangly kid who took you to prom? They now own the local hardware store/veterinary clinic/Christmas tree farm and have developed spectacular forearms from all that manual labor. They're single, of course, because they've been waiting for you this whole time (definitely not creepy).
How I’ve respected this rule: Try Good as Gold to catch up on the hotness between Leila and Matteo.
Rule #4: Someone's Dead (or ailing) Parent Left Behind a Failing Family Business
The bookstore/bakery/inn/farm has been in the family for generations, and wouldn't you know it, your college degree could really help turn things around! Never mind that you had other plans.
How I’ve respected this rule: Bittersweet has Griff returning to the family orchard to make cider with his chemistry degree. Zara takes over a family bar in Bountiful, where she meets a strapping hockey player who’s just passing through. And in Golden Touch, Nash is recalled to save the family brewery while his dad is recovering from heart surgery.
Rule #5: Your Cell Phone Doesn't Work, But Love Does
Despite it being the 21st century, your big city phone gets no signal around town. This forces you to have actual conversations with people instead of doom-scrolling, which is apparently all you needed to realize what really matters in life. Note: THIS IS REAL, PEOPLE. My phone is a paperweight in the hills of Vermont and New Hampshire. Just try listening to that podcast in the car without downloading it first.
How I’ve respected this rule: This one is like breathing. There’s probably a dead spot moment in every single book. But in Coming In From the Cold, a lack of cell service is how Willow ends up spending a night in a stranger’s truck.
Rule #6: Weather Must Be a Character
Blizzards will trap people together at exactly the right moment. Spring rain will force intimate conversations under shared umbrellas. The power will go out during thunderstorms, requiring candlelight. Autumn leaves will provide the perfect backdrop for meaningful walks. The weather forecast in small towns is apparently controlled by Cupid himself.
See: Falling From the Sky when Callie and Hank must spend the night together, even though she’s been trying to convince herself not to date him. That snow is dangerous, girl. Sleep with the hottie!
Rule #7: Someone Must Own a Pickup Truck, it’s the Law
Well, duh. They really are everywhere, including my own driveway. And in one of my books, the Shipley kids joke that all Vermont teenagers have pickup truck sex.
For a demonstration: try Speakeasy.
Rule #8: Your Sophisticated City Friends Will Visit Once and Be Horrified
They'll complain about the lack of oat milk, the slow WiFi, and the fact that everyone waves at strangers. This visit serves the crucial purpose of making you realize you don't miss your old life at all, actually. Sharon from marketing can keep her Soul Cycle addiction; you've discovered the simple pleasure of walking a golden retriever named Biscuit.
How I’ve respected this rule: Several of the Brooklyn Bruisers hockey players visit Vermont in Bountiful, but only Dave isn’t ready to hightail it back to Brooklyn. There’s something about this place that grabs you!
Rule #9: There Shall Be No Chain Restaurants
The town's dining scene consists of: one family restaurant run by an elderly couple who bicker adorably, and possibly a food truck operated by a former chef with a tragic past. The nearest Starbucks is at least forty-five minutes away, and this is treated as a point of pride, not inconvenience.
BECAUSE IT’S TRUE. Chains are the devil. I’ve respected this rule in every single book. I’d be lying if I said the quirky hours of our local tavern aren’t a pain in my backside. But life is better when it’s weird. Ask anyone.
Rule #10: There are No Secrets (except the ones that drive the plot)
Everyone's business is your business, and the real treasure was the hometown you tried to escape all along. Nobody discovers this more shockingly than Sophie in Steadfast, who’s forbidden to see her high school sweetheart. But we all know how that goes!
Enjoy the ride!
